Anarch-cunts

Anarch-cunt 1: “Hey, Oscar. Let’s, like, go and smash up some shops and stuff maaaan.”

Anarch-cunt 2: “But Sebastian, like, why maaaan?

Anarch-cunt 1: “Because, you know, like, anarchy and stuff. Maaaan.”

Anarch-cunt 2: “Oh yeah, maaan. Yeah. Do you have like any specific targets in mind, maaaan?"

Anarch-cunt 1: “Yeah, maaaan. Like, Topshop and stuff."

Anarch-cunt 2: “Yeah maaan. They’re like totally evil maaaan.”

Anarch-cunt 1: “So like, when should we do it maaaan?”

Anarch-cunt 2: “Like on Saturday man. There’s this big protest happening anyway. It’s like the perfect time to do it maaaan.”

Anarch-cunt 1: “What if we like get arrested by the police maaaan?”

Anarch-cunt 2: “Ah maaaan, like, fuck da police, maaaan. Getting arrested is like cool, maan”

Now the thing is, if you want to go round smashing up Topshop and Abbey National be my guest. If you want to fight the police, be my guest (you will lose obviously, and then complain about it.)

But do it in your own time you posh student cunts.

Don’t hijack a legitimate TUC march of a quarter of a million people, most of whom are facing redundancy from their jobs. Their livelihoods. (Jobs and livelihoods being things the ‘anarchists’ have never really had to think about. Living mostly in squats on mummy’s regular trust fund instalments)

The crucial point here. These aren’t anarchists. What we saw on Oxford Street weren’t acts of anarchy. They were childish acts of wanton vandalism.

Throwing balloons full of paint? Well done. Ramming wheelie bins into shop windows? Slightly unimaginative. Abusing policeman? We’ve all had the urge too, but what goal does it actually fulfil? Unless your main objective is getting clubbed round the face with a retractable truncheon. Or teargassed. Or better still, kettled. “Hey, Oscar, let’s like get fucking kettled maaaan. It’s like the new thing.”

Real anarchists would shoot David Cameron.

Real anarchists would plant a bomb in the headquarters of Visa.

Real anarchists would hack into the local government council tax computer systems and fuck them up irrevocably.

They would do things that had resonance and meaning. They wouldn’t do ineffectual things just for the sake of attention.

These hooded student cunts (who clearly shop in Topshop, and all have bank accounts) shamed the Socialist movement on Saturday. They embarrassed Ed Miliband. They embarrassed every trade union organisation and workers collective who were demonstrating against public service cuts. They turned it into a G8 style riot farce.

Yes we can blame the media. “why are they focusing on the violence???” we scream.

Well, because students with masks over their faces chucking light bulbs full of ammonia at police officers is a more exciting news story than 250,000 slightly geeky people walking down the road.

The media have some culpability and they abused their responsibility for sure (there was football violence in Cardiff on Saturday for example and every single Saturday at the Den or Britannia or Elland Road. 'The media' have made a decision not to publicise football violence anymore. Because they know hooligans just want to get on telly or in the newspapers.) That is responsible journalism, ignoring pointless acts of unrest.

But when people occupy and smash up London’s busiest street you can’t really ignore it can you?

The anarch-cunts really fucked me off on Saturday. This was the first protest I’d been on since 1994! And they stole my fucking limelight!

UK Uncut?

More like UK UNCUNT you dipshits.