Queen and Paul Rodgers (another one bites the dust...)

By UNCUNT staff

The other night I was flicking through the SkyGo channels on my iPad, like some sort of cunt. I use my brother's login you see. Which is, like, the cheaper way of having Sky. I watch two minutes of Game of Thrones, in which somebody gets raped and another person gets murdered. "Great", I think "heart warming how everything popular these days features either rape or murder."

I flick to Sky Arts, which is actually a great channel (thanks Murdoch, you limp pricked soon to be divorced mega rich elderly Australian cunt). Queen and Paul Rodgers Live. Ohhhhhhhhh dear, I think. Oh oh oh oh dear. What a shame. 

I watch one song, which happens to be Another One Bites The Dust. A shit song at the best of times. It quickly becomes apparent that this Paul Rodgers cunt is, well, not quite as good a singer as Freddie Mercury is he? Mercury had a powerful operatic voice that retained its power in any range high or low. Rodgers, well... he's just making a cunt of himself. "This is shit" I think, and I flick back to Game of Thrones. Well, a bit of rape and murder never hurt anybody did it?

The next day I tell Kevin about the concert (we are both big fans of Queen. Yes, that's right. That's what I said homie. Got a fucking problem? Queen are good. End of story. Chris if you're reading this, fuck you.) Kevin, laughing, asks me if they played 'Alright Now' by Free. "No, that would have confused the crowd" I said. "Yeah I suppose so" Kevin replies, "they might think are we watching Free featuring Brian May and Roger Taylor?". "And John Deacon" I say. "No, John Deacon wants no part in it any more." "Ah yes, I remember thinking that doesn't look like John Deacon. Fair play to him. He was always my favourite member of Queen, and again he's justified my faith in him by refusing to take part in this absolute joke. Why would they do that? Why?? Why didn't they just get a hologram of Freddie like they did with Tupac? Of all the singers in the world to try to emulate, don't try to emulate Freddie. It's like having Nirvana featuring Serge from Kasabian."

We both laughed. Because it's funny. What I said was funny. Nirvana...Serge from Kasabian....hahahaha. It's funny.

Then we decide it would be funny to carry it on. And we came up with a list. A list of bands, with dead members replaced by unlikely artists. Which is also funny. You'll like it. It's funny.

1. Nirvana featuring Serge from Kasabian
2. Bob Marley and the Wailers featuring Sean Paul
3. The Beatles featuring John Power from Cast
4. The Jackson Five featuring the main one out of JLS
5. The Rolling Stones with the bloke out of Reef
6. The Jimi Hendrix Experience featuring Lenny Kravitz
7. Otis Redding featuring Richard Blackwood
8. Ike & Tina Turner featuring Omar
9. The Doors with Pete Doherty
10. Pink Floyd featuring the keyboardist from Keane
11. Tupac and Biggie with Ant and Dec (blacked up)
12. The Bee Gees featuring the Mitchell Brothers Ross Kemp and Steve McFadden
13. The Bee Gees featuring Martin and Gary Kemp from Spandau Ballet
14. Boyzone featuring Julian Clary
15. Amy Winehouse featuring Katy Parry
16. T-Rex featuring Gary Glitter
17. TLC featuring Heather out of M People
18. Led Zeppelin with the drummer out of Def Leppard (if he's still alive)
19. The Who featuring the rhythm section from The Twang
20. Janis Joplin featuring Tulisa