By UNCUNT staffLet’s face it, we all like reading about paedos.
It’s one of those unifying things we can all shudder at and collectively hate; like the Nazis. Or Ashley Cole.
Back in April,The Sun published two front cover paedo headlines on consecutive days. Paedo headlines sell newspapers. Fact.
But whereas in real life paedos are imprisoned, electric-chaired, lethal-injectioned, even chemically castrated. In the music and film industries they’re virtually congratulated for it.
It’s a sick sick world. But let's make the most of it….
Jerry Lee Lewis
The seminal paedo and an American paedo (the worst kind). Lewis married his 13 year old cousin. Being a hillbilly hick he and his associates thought nothing of this statutory rape. When he tried to tour the UK however he was banned, stopped at the airport and sent home. Nonce-o-meter: 6/10 (it was a different world back then)
Jonathan King
If a cartoon caricaturist was employed to sketch their idea of how a stereotypical paedophile should look, the end result would look almost exactly like Jonathan King. Look at his eyes and the lop-sided whimper of his mouth. A mouth that’s sucked on too many underage winkies.
This fat, misshapen dollop of shit buggered a lot of boys in the back of his Rolls Royce in the car park of the Walton Hop in the 70s, documented in Jon Ronson’s brilliant Guardian weekend investigative piece published after King’s trial – one of the best interview features the paper has ever done. It was 2001 and King had finally been convicted and sent to prison for 7 years.
One can only hope he was force fed semen and sodomised with a rounders bat everyday of his incarceration.
Nonce-o-meter: 9/10 (at the risk of sounding a bit Daily Maily...King makes me physically sick)
Michael Jackson
It’s wrong to speak ill of the dead isn’t it? Even skin-bleached, mentally damaged dead kiddy fiddlers.“What’s wrong with sleeping with children? It’s a beautiful thing. Don’t be so ignorant, you’re ignorant” he said in that Martin Bashir exposé. (I’m paraphrasing…)
Probably the greatest pop star of all time turns out to be a nonce. Sort of like finding out John Lennon was a wife beater. Disappointing.
Nonce-o-meter: 7/10 (probably just touched them)
Pete Townshend
Oh, Pete. Why? Whhyyyyyyyy?
Oh...... For... research purposes? 'kay....
Oh, you were abused as a kid? Shit, sorry.
So, you logged on to child porn sites and put in your credit card details just to analyse what you went through as a kid?
Ok, yep I see your point, that all seems fine.
Sorry to have troubled you, carry on.
Nonce-o-meter: 5/10 (there are other ways to carry out research Pete. Ever heard of the library?)
Bill Wyman
When Wyman was 47 he started dating 13 year old Mandy Smith “with her mother’s consent”. WHAT KIND OF MOTHER ARE YOU????? But, it’s not really the mother we should be mad at. It’s the leering, sleazy, ugly, millionaire bass player from the Rolling Stones. It’s astonishing how easily and frequently this sordid tale is overlooked. Everybody goes “yes but they were in love and he later married her when she was 19”. And????
It.is.illegal.to.have.sex.with.a.minor.
She would have been in the third year at school for christ’s sake!!! Apparently he waited a while until he started banging her. Waited until she was 14. You know, he wanted to make sure she was ready. Do the right thing. He was nearly 50 you see, he’d had a lot of experience and wanted to behave like a gentleman.
To put it into chronological perspective: Mandy Smith was born in 1970 the year of free love and Hendrix’s death. Bill Wyman was born in 1936 the year of the Nuremburg rallies. Not surprisingly they divorced by the time Smith was 21 and Wyman was 53. Wyman probably couldn’t get it up by then.
Smith went on to marry former Everton and Spurs footballer Pat Van Den Hauwe - a fate arguably worse than being molested by a paedo.
Nonce-o-meter: 8/10 (if there’s grass on the wicket eh Bill? You filthy paedo cunt)
Roman Polanski
In 1977 (the 70s were a prolific decade for noncery) Polanski was charged with “rape by use of drugs, perversion, sodomy, lewd and lascivious act upon a child under fourteen, and furnishing a controlled substance to a minor”. This charge was later changed to “unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor.” As soon as he was physically able to flee, Polanski got the fuck out of America and back to the safety of France (where sleeping with underage girls is frankly de rigeur)
Mitigating circumstances? Polanski maintains the sex with Samantha Gailey was consensual. He also survived the Holocaust, his mother died at Auschwitz and he’s one of the most talented film makers of the 20th century. Give him a break yeah.
Nonce-o-meter: 7/10 (the Quaaludes thing looks bad and she did say ‘no’)
Gary Glitter
There are no words to describe this cunt. He should basically be killed.
Nonce-o-meter: 11/10 (the electric chair is too good for this cunt. I wonder if anybody…anybody…still has his records in their collection.)
R. Kelly
Pissed into a 14 year old girl’s mouth and filmed it. It doesn’t get more wrong than that.
Nonce-o-meter: 10/10 (hot and fresh out the kitchen)
I have always been intrigued just how much influence paedos had on the early British pop music industry and later generations of the London pop scene. Tin Pan Alley? All Cock and no ball's alley is perhaps a better title. Was'nt Larry Parne's also 'turning tricks'? I suppose however unfortunate it may seem the 'arts' always proves to me a haven for such wickedness. In fact I often wonder if Glitter and King were first introduced to the world of trouser pressing way back then... Kind of makes me reflect upon one of David Essex's old hits, the one about making him a star, remember it? Don't forget Simon Napier Bell who managed, opp's, shagged Bowie, Bolan, David Sylvian and George Michael... amongst others ... Elton 'pongo' John would have been another wandering denmark st back in those days, as would Roc (with his passion for wearing womens panties) stewart. Another famous music business coruptee who deserves a mention is a manager called Jaz Summers. And then if you read an excellent book on a punk rock venue called Roxy WC2, one of the venues later managers Kevin St John, (it used to book its own bands) used to do the same... taking young bands back to his house, offering to 'manage' them. HA! I suppose at the end of the day, its about dirty old pervs and young people craving success ... oh well, good work Uncunt team.
ReplyDeleteWorse than that, no okay, not worse. I think there is some mileage on the rumour that Wyman's son Stephen then got with Mandy Smith's mum...mental!
ReplyDeleteThe Paedo that got away with it (Gary Puckett) "Young girl, get out of my mind,/ My love for you is way out of line,/ Better run, girl!/ You're MUCH TOO YOUNG, girl"
ReplyDelete"Under your make-up and perfume,/ You're just a baby in disguise,/ Though you know it's wrong to be,/ Alone with me,/ That come-on look is in your eyes."
Actually there are lots of Paedo related songs....I'm sure Brown Sugar is........
And on the incest/paedo front I never fully trusted the relationship dynamics in The Carpenters........she was way too much into Disney and starving herself to remain pre-pubescent.
ReplyDeleteThanks Anne, I now have Gary Puckett and the Union Gap's 'Young Girl' playing in my head on repeat.
ReplyDeleteTo be fair to Puckett...at least he recognised he posed a threat to the youngster in question. He even goes so far as to tell her to run away from him before he loses control and molests her.
It's as if he went to sex offender rehab. Paedos Anonymous. He's a recovering paedo and a responsible paedo.
...But still very much a paedo.
Chris said
ReplyDeleteJimmy Page I think deserves honorary paedo status for his prolific shagging of 14 year old groupies in the '70's.
When Page was in his early 30's, at the peak of Led Zeppelin's success, he even 'dated' 14 year old teen model Lori Maddox (with her mother's consent).
At this time Lori was already a seasoned pro when it came to handling
predatory rock star paedo's as she had already had a three-way with David and Angela Bowie when she was just 13.
unlike the McCanns at least Garry Glitter came back holiday with his kids
ReplyDeleteFolklore would have us believe her brother forced himself upon her many times, hence why she killed herself.
ReplyDelete